The Wilson dress code has been a debated topic among school staff and students, given the apparent inequality among sexes and their requirements for “appropriate” school attire. 

Given this conflict, the Wilson administration has made the executive decision to alter the school uniform to be unanimous for all students. Instead of the standard cardinal or white top paired with khaki bottoms, Wilson students will now be limited to one type of dress: colonial, war-time attire. 

With a wool jacket, stockings, powdered wigs, and a train-conductor hat, every Wilson student will appear with, as the kids say nowadays, “fire drip.” 

This fresh attire solves the problem of shoulders that are much too distracting for school campus, or shorts that reveal an absurd amount of kneecap. With the new standard of a simple 6-layer outfit everyday, there is no reason for students to complain about an unfair dress code ever again. 

As sophomore Patri Otic expressed, “I think it’s a great way for students to be more unified at Wilson. Plus, I’m sure it will wipe every single sexual assault alligation straight out of Southern California.”

Starting next school year, be sure to keep up with the crowd and purchase your new Wilson wardrobe. If unable to find a type of dressing that fits these new requirements, be prepared for expulsion. 

Now, go shopping for your new entirely wool wardrobe. Your founding fathers would be proud.